I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize