Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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