I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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