Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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