I can feel you judging me through the phone.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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