i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
