so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
