just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
