he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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