No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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