I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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