everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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