obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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