dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
