the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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