Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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