so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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