you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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