so explain again why im purple
no
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize