why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
