Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My ass is underappreciated
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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