I'm lost and stupid without you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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