oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
