i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
