He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
