I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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