She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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