just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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