there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize