No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
