I must be too annoying 4 u.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
