HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
