just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
