I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
