He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize