rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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