it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Four minutes until I can fart!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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