i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
