I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
