haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
