Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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