Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Too much gin, very little bucket
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
