if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
tell me about the fingering
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
