I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
