but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
