don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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