I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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