I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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