3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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