I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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