It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
