I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
