I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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