There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
