found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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