we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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