If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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