apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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