It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
