Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
