he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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