So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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