Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
