"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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