You're my little dorito
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
