life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
