i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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