i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
