Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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