You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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