apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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