i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
